Happiness

I had a nice talk with one of my colleagues and it helped me realise one thing... that i may not be as happy as i was 1 year ago. i truly radiated in joy and life and i felt so at home when i was there with these people last year. i would also say, on all grounds, i felt lighter, more positive, jubilant and thankful for everything little, even minute thing.

perhaps it was the cumulative frustration i felt in this one year?

perhaps it was the people i met along the way?

perhaps it was just simply a change in character?

perhaps it was the lifestyle of work?

perhaps it was the lifestyle of nothing regular and routine?

i do not know. but i do want to be happier. and the pursuit of happiness cannot be after happiness. it has to be after Love. by that, i mean, God. the Love of God.

you know how people say you can tell if a person is in love?

he/she will radiate and glow and look more beautiful than they had been before. their warm and joy beams the entire room. or how their eyes sparkle at the mention of a special name.

i remember fondly how i was eating a burger before a lecture (we didn't have time for dinner break!) and a classmate of mine sitting in front of me turned around and caught a glance of me taking a bite. he took a double take and ended up looking for more than a few seconds. after some prodding, he finally stuttered that he couldn't believe how happy i looked eating my food. my eyes sparkled. i had no clue what he was talking about. i was just chewing. hahaha. but i do remember how in love i was at that time. and i could feel it in my bones and have this 'high' in my brain wherever i walk. it makes me want to sing, dance (but i didn't want to embarrass myself) and act funny.

i find that these days, i've lost it. i can't bring myself to be like that because it would take lots of effort, and i might most probably end up more tired.

its time to find He who loves endlessly and unconditionally and ask Him to fill me again with this love, so i can give it out and share it around. 

'the joy of the Lord, is my strength.'

and so it will be.