Bogging me all day

upset.

This morning I woke up and wanted to go to the washroom when I bumped into 2 blurry aunties. 

I wasn't wearing my specs, can't see. I recognised one of them though. She's my childhood friend's mother.

Apparently, my mum had asked if they'd like to help clean up my home, which is messy as ever now that everyone is busy with work, school, and church/ministry. They are paid for it, of course. But I felt so odd, that first of all, one of them is a family frienD!!! Mum had very kind intentions, although I'm not so comfortable with the idea. But it didn't end there.

Aunty started being spiteful or sth. And while I was still blurry from my morning wake, she began telling me about her daughter (who's my age) and how she's now working and planning to study part-time at SIM... and what to do, no money. She then said things like, I'm so lucky, my dad can afford to send me to university and I don't have to study part time and work at the same time... she probably assumed I wasn't working this holiday, although that's a different thing.

I mean, well, ok, I know the family isn't that well off, but to be spiteful in front of me (first thing in the morning) made me just very uncomfortable. I know my dad has provided our family well. We're also thrifty. We don't go on regular vacations, we don't dine out very often, we dress simply, neither of us shop alot, my brothers and I scrimp on our transport fares and walk as much as we can... we're a big family, what can I say.

This aunty only has 1 child! sigh.

I don't know, it's not as if I don't study hard, I don't deserve furthering my studies, as if there's no such thing as loans (although they can be terrible to deal with afterwards), as if I got into school just cos we could afford it?? Singapore is getting better at that!! (i hope) Not to mention that SIM IS more expensive than our 3 local Unis... [ I didn't tell her that though...] It's difficult for my parents to send all my siblings to uni too. I know i'll have to work to help out with their education too. (let's growl at increasing GST...)

I know life isn't easy when you can't meet ends financially. The world is unfair. When you grow up seeing hordes of poor begging out in the streets morning, noon and night in the dust everyday, you'll definitely feel for them.... and admire them. I do, very much. For their strength, perseverance, courage, determination, hard work, toil and labour. It guilts me to think why I deserved to have a proper bed to sleep in every night. I never really liked to be thought of as someone envied. Especially when it seemed as if I didn't have to lift a finger to do anything to be blessed. So it hurts me to be indirectly told such. Maybe its just something I can't help, but be humble. I can be a lazy-dumb-ass as compared to them...

sigh. But i'm just feeling so undignified.

I used to like this aunty a lot.